The Butterfly Effect

He's a veteran of the Casual Nonsense podcast.

You know him, you love him.

He's Tim.

Tim.

What's up, dude?

I'm back.

Okay.

What's up, bro?

Yo, yo, yo, it's Tim.

Glad to be back, brother.

Well, Tim, as you know, it took a little while to get this next guy on here because he's got a series of agents that had to go through and they kept ducking my calls.

But we finally have Mr.

Seth on the podcast.

What's up, brother?

Yes, sir.

Hello, hello, hello.

First time attendee, longtime listener, so thank you for having me.

Oh, thanks for watching.

Sorry about the delay, Seth.

This is long overdue, bro.

Yeah, I agree.

So this is your first podcast ever, right?

You're a noob to the noob to the world.

New to the podcast world, but, you know, I thank you guys for having me on and looking forward to it.

Cool, man.

Well, we'll do our best not to disappoint you.

We'll try to say something funny, you know what I mean?

But he'll say something funny.

Apparently, I'm monotone.

I just, you know, I try to be funny, but, I mean, I know I'm hilarious, but I laugh at myself, you know, no one laughs at me.

I don't give a shit.

You know, I say a lot of nonsense, so it's good to get it recorded now.

Ooh, good.

You came to the right place for nonsense.

I should have made sure you were drinking before today.

So sometimes you get a little.

Oh, okay.

What's in the Stanley Cup?

I love it.

I love it.

Tim, I'll start with you then, man.

Do you have any.

If you want to share.

You don't have to share these things if you don't want to, but do you any particular goals or anything you want to accomplish this year?

Well, before I go there, I have to say.

January 6th.

Happy Trump insurrection Day, guys.

Woo.

Was that on that day?

January 6th.

24.

What year was that?

20, bro.

21.

After the election.

2020?

Yeah.

You don't remember?

It was the whole riots on Capitol.

Hill when they raided the White House.

The dude with the, like, the lion.

Hat or something wasn't the White House.

It was the Capitol building, bro.

Dude, I don't watch the news, bro.

He doesn't do the news.

No TVs, no news.

Oh, you don't.

You don't remember that?

I don't remember the details.

That was a huge deal.

Like, I feel like our kids are gonna be Reading about this in history books, like 30 years.

Like it was Pearl Harbor.

Yeah, I'm awesome.

I'm totally hip with current events, as you can tell.

Oh, gosh.

Marcus lives in this cave.

He never leaves.

I'll get the Internet someday and I can start following along with this shit.

Oh, that's crazy.

So that happened so four years ago, essentially today.

Yes, it was.

Yeah, four years ago today.

Huge deal.

They still talk about it to this day.

And yeah, now Trump's about to be president again and all for nothing, I guess.

Yeah.

So goals, any.

Yeah, great question, man.

A lot.

I didn't prep you with that, so.

No, no, yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to get out of this existential crisis I'm having with myself.

This journey of self awareness.

Self discovery.

Yes, a good word.

I'm hoping to find some resolution to that.

Tim's journey of self discovery.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

A pre midlife crisis.

No, but on the realness, I want to really accomplish my goals at work, which are to find success and take control of the way in which I obtain that success.

I'm halfway there.

I've made some very intentional moves in my life this year and I think I'm close to finding a breakthrough.

Also some things in my personal life.

Just trying to like, get myself right, you know, I think as men, I.

Was expecting to come at be like, you know, I want to lose five pounds.

I want.

Want to treat my wife right.

Mark, that's boring.

You got deep, dude.

You got deep.

Boring.

Sure.

Okay.

Yeah.

I want to get.

I want to get promoted and want to make ton of money.

I want to.

I do want to work out more.

I want to just find consistency in whatever my routine is.

I like it.

I like it.

You can edit the other stuff out.

Yes, that's a good.

You can edit other stuff out.

We'll leave you in there, Seth.

Anything from you that jumps out for you.

Yeah.

Interesting you ask.

I'm actually using this holiday season is I'm going to experiment with what I'm calling the butterfly effect.

The butterfly effect.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I'm going to eat as much food as possible over the holidays to build a layer of fat, which I'm going to call a cocoon and work on my inner self.

Oh, I love that.

I'm really going to work very hard to burn all that off and whatever I've been holding on to.

Interesting.

I love that.

So.

I've already started.

You've already started?

Oh, yeah, I'm about ten pounds in.

Oh, I love that.

Feels great.

I love it.

I love it.

That's a good reason, man.

So we're gonna bring.

Now, you see, just now you made a spot.

You have to.

Have to bring you back now.

Yeah, we have to hold you to that.

So maybe in the fall we'll see where you're at and see if the.

The wings are starting to sprout, you know?

Right.

Well, look at that job security.

We get it all set up.

Well, so today, you know, and this is not.

Not a dig at you, Seth, but you are what I'll refer to today as, you know, my single friend.

Right.

So what makes me think of this is that while some.

Some people that are married will envy such a single man.

What?

I don't envy the process of dating.

Like, I'm happy that I'm not dating.

Right.

Tim, do you remember when you were dating, like, you've been married how many years now?

Six years.

Six.

Ish.

Yeah.

So.

But the dating process itself, I think it's.

It's changed since I was single.

Maybe not as much as you.

Did you use, like, dating apps Briefly.

I've always.

I'm a people person, so I meet people all the time.

So, you know, meeting people organically is not that hard for me.

I did try for a little while.

I think I was just trying to, you know, hook up.

Swipe it.

Yeah, hook up.

So that leads me to you, Seth.

Right.

So is.

Is apps the best way to date these days?

Or you meet at the bar, meet at the bingo parlor, meet at the sock hop?

Like, where are we going?

You know, honestly, that's.

That's part of what I was talking about, the butterfly effect earlier.

Right.

Kind of got that idea going.

But the apps, for me, I prefer not to have the apps.

You're not going to have, I don't know that.

Genuine connection.

I've had great experiences using the apps.

I've had great experiences just meeting people, as Tim said, like, day to day, in a social manner, natural.

But you make so many connections with the apps, that takes away from the natural conversation, so it's kind of a force.

Like, tell me about yourself.

Tell me something no one would know.

And I say, well, I lived in Korea for 10 years.

Tell me about your 10 years in Korea.

And so I stop and I say, you want me to text you about 10 years of my life in a different country?

Like, let's be real here.

Like, let's meet up.

And then, you know, we've.

We live in a society where everyone loves reality tv, crime documentaries.

You know, we all do it.

I'm guilty, if anybody, right?

And so everybody's like, oh, man, I don't know if I can really trust to meet that person.

So.

So it has changed the dynamic of dating as far as meeting people in a natural manner through friends.

I don't attend church on a regular basis, which I think that is a big loss on my part.

No judgment here, because neither do I.

But I think that's where a lot of people really meet their life partners.

I think that's a myth, either in school, at work, you're not supposed to, but a lot of people do.

Like, we all work in the restaurant business.

I met a lot of girlfriends.

Not a lot.

A couple girlfriends when I worked in a restaurant business.

But these apps take away from that.

Like, initial.

What am I going to say?

Right?

Like that, like, initial moment when you walk up and you.

You grow the confidence to say, ah, this is the moment.

I'm gonna walk up and I'm gonna put it on the line.

Whether I get denied or things go my way, I'm gonna do it.

Apps take away from that.

And so I think you take that part of that spark that you originally meet, it's not there.

I want to take it a step deeper, though.

You mentioned you're at a loss for not looking in the church environment.

I'm someone who's actually very involved in church, and something that I hear a lot of from people, especially women, is that it's hard to find a good man in church.

I think overwhelmingly, statistics will show that churches populations are more dominated by women than by men.

You say churches are churches?

Yes.

And so you may find it depends on how you grow up and what your community is.

My community has always been my church.

Like, it's been a huge part of my identity my entire life.

And so naturally, most of the women, including my wife, I met through my church in some form or fashion.

But a lot of people who, like, if that's not your lifestyle and that's not like you, your community, it might be harder because you'll identify, there's more differences, and then you'll end up wasting a lot of your time.

And that's the hard part with dating, is that you don't want to waste your time.

What you were saying going through the 10 years that I was in Korea, and that could have been time you spent getting to know someone else.

Similarly, you don't want to spend time really in any community that isn't like your community.

You want to kind of get some of those base things out of the way that, you know, you know, I don't have to worry.

Like, I know that you and I share the same values and virtues in this regard, so we don't have to, you know, spend time wasting time trying to figure out the other stuff.

100% agree.

And I think, and what I was going to say next is these apps, I think you have to be more intentional if you are going to try them or you, you do go to church on a regular basis or, you know, not for the specific reasons of dating, but being a part of the community, and that's something you choose on a regular basis.

But I think what's most important is you learn as Mark is leaning in is I've been dating, right?

I've had a couple different girlfriends in the past, but you learn as you go by each one, like, what do I not want and what do I want from a relationship and a partner?

And I think it's kind of leaned into what I was talking about earlier about the butterfly effect.

If you don't take time to kind of like reserve to say, hey, what did I learn from something that I.

I just really devoted my time with an individual for multiple, if not several years.

What did I learn from that?

And if you're not like self reflecting at the end, you're gonna grow, right?

That's how you grow, right.

And like take ownership, the things that you could have done different.

Yeah, ownership for the mistakes you made.

I make mistakes.

I'm no angel.

Right.

And I'll be the first one to admit it.

But, like, what could you have done different?

Did you take ownership and apologize when you should have?

Did you always come up with solutions on how to get better?

It's just like, what, how did you build yourself?

Even if it's at the end or even after, if you're not using the.

Apps, what, like, what would you say is your go to method?

Like, you don't go to church, you don't want to use the apps.

Ask maybe last resort if you have to.

Right?

Friends of friends, bars, community cookouts.

I don't know.

Like, so this is what I don't know.

This is why I'm like, I don't go to any of these things.

So I don't know.

As I'm going through this, I don't want to call it a cleansing, but, like, rebuilding.

I do want to be honest that I am currently on an app, so I'm not completely off the apps.

I am currently on an app, so I'm going to be honest in that part.

He's like, I have needs, Mark.

Right.

You know, we all have needs, right?

I would say right now, I have more luck meeting, you know, friends of friends.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And I think, you know, you are who you surround yourself with.

I think that my parents said that always when I was younger.

So when you run into someone that I'm like, if I like to hang out with Mark and Stacy, then I like to hang out with Mark and Stacy.

Some of the people they generally like to hang out with probably are going to get along with me as well, too.

And if by chance one of them are single, they come over to a party.

I think for me, that's.

That's higher likelihood of something better than an app.

Just my opinion, it's a trust factor.

Because it's kind of like what you said.

Like, you meet someone on an app, they're like, oh, do I want to go?

Do I trust being in public with a stranger?

Whereas, like, that's been eliminated.

If we're at a party somewhere and say, Kevin's there, and Kevin's got a.

A girl who's single who happens to be at the party, now there's a trust factor already built in that you take over for the rest.

You know what I mean?

I will say, you know, we're.

We're talking about how you guys kind of got out of the dating game, and I'm still in it, right?

My dad came across this, and he was like, what is this dating app?

What are you doing?

Right?

And he found it absolutely hilarious that on some of the profiles, he was.

I'm like, here you go.

Like, swipe you, you know?

Well, actually, ask me before you swipe.

Me some winners, dad.

Yeah, let's talk about it, right?

So he goes.

The first one I give him, it's just like.

Like, if you love Trump, swipe left.

And he laughed.

I haven't heard my dad laugh for that long.

And I'm like, what's so funny?

I was like, wait, wait, wait, let me see.

Don't touch anything.

You know?

And he was like, is politics part of this, like, dating app thing?

And I'm like, Oftentimes people will say whether they want to talk about politics or not.

But some are very clear.

Like, you know, if you're this way, then, you know, go left or right.

I don't want any part of it.

Or you're all what I want.

So my just generational thing, my dad found that hilarious.

I found that hilarious, and I think that's funny.

You know what I mean?

I'll say what was hard for me.

I was married once before.

After being single again after that.

That period's a hard transition.

And I don't know if you felt similar coming out of a long relationship, but it's like the world has changed.

The world's moved on in the past four years that I was with this person.

And I don't know how to do this anymore.

I don't know how to talk to people and make friends.

I mean, I know how to make friends, but, you know, that was an even harder transition.

I did.

Like I said earlier, I did try a couple times, and most of the time I just made friends.

And, you know, a couple times I got lucky.

And, you know, no pun intended.

But, you know, I met my wife.

She was someone I had met earlier a long time ago, organically through, like, school or friends.

School and stuff.

Yeah, I'd met, but I didn't really, like, have a close relationship.

I didn't expect that.

You've proven Seth's theory correct.

Yes.

That's the easiest way to.

Absolutely.

I agree with you 100%.

I'm not really a huge fan of the apps because, like, I meet people online all the time.

Twitter, gaming, whatever.

I can meet people on online any day.

But, like, you're still just that person.

I'm on the Internet.

I'm thankful that my wife has tolerated me for this long because I have zero game.

Right.

And I know that.

Right.

I'm not sure I ever had game.

Just be fair.

I worked in restaurants, which gives you a 20% bump in your game just because you're all in the same pit of hell, you know, for a period of time.

But, yeah, I'm good.

I'm good where I'm at.

But this is what I'm curious about.

Right?

So let's just say you meet somebody, whether it's at a party or an app, whatever it is.

And again, this is my old school mentality.

Like, what do you do for a first date?

Is it just dinner?

Do you go to the movies?

Like, are you going out?

Like, skydiving?

Like, what's.

What's your go to well, that's the.

Interesting part about the apps, right?

They tell you their interest.

And there is one of the questions on there.

It said, you know, what's a perfect first date?

Hopefully you connect on something you both enjoy.

But if you're not doing something on your first date that you yourself are not comfortable with.

Yeah, why go?

And why do it?

Right?

And so I remember I took a girl.

She was actually a doctor.

All right, there you go.

Physician.

And I was like, okay.

So I was like, let's do something healthy, right?

I'm thinking like, physician.

Like, you know, you got to get.

A sugar mama like me, right?

I mean, I don't know if you could put that as your profile needs.

But let's say she was a young physician, so she was probably in a lot of debt.

So, I mean, you know, but I was like, okay, let's go to a park, you know, And I'm thinking, like, I'll get some salami cheese crackers, and I'll get a bottle of wine.

So I show up, you know, just like, you know, let's go over the picnic bench.

And she's like, this is really nice.

Thank you so much.

No one's ever done anything like this.

And I was like, awesome.

I'm a vegetarian.

So right now I'm like, this is working out.

She goes, I'm pretty sure someone got kidnapped in the park like, a couple weeks ago or something.

No.

And I'm like, I don't know.

How's it salami?

I don't know.

What a beautiful sunset.

I wonder if that sunset happened when this girl got kidnapped in the van, you know?

Could you imagine?

So, I mean, like, do something that makes you feel comfortable.

Right?

I'm not.

I would never go to a movie on the first date.

Oh, it's terrible.

Right?

You're not talking.

No.

Right.

And so do something that you can have fun and goofy with.

I always suggest bowling.

It's dorky, but it's goofy.

Right?

And it's like.

It's an.

It's just an open place to have a conversation.

Also, I would highly recommend be open to places that don't serve alcohol, because not everybody is comfortable having a drink on their first date.

Right.

Right.

But also be open to the other person saying, hey, I'm gonna have a drink.

It's okay if you.

Or you have a drink.

It's okay if I don't.

That's.

So if you're having a drink, what's your go to first drink?

It depends on location.

Right.

If we're at a Mexican joint that has good margaritas.

I'm all day.

A house margarita with the blanco, tequila.

But if it's a local brewery, I'm gonna get a beer and kind of see if that sparks a conversation.

Right.

Other than tell me about 10 years in Korea, you know, we want to stay away from that, naturally.

No one cares about Korea, Seth.

That's right.

I've gone bowling with you, and I think that's probably a good move because you get to show off some of your skills right from day one.

You know what I mean?

So, Shark, keep that as your.

Keep that as a move.

I'm not a good bowler, Tim.

I just, like, I have this where.

I didn't realize this until later.

The way I walk up right before I bowl, I apparently shake my hips.

Oh, you know, striptease for the little shimmy, apparently.

You know, I mean, I enjoyed it.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm the only one.

So then that leads to.

My next question is, like, when you go on, like, you go on a date, whether it's first, second, whatever, is it still, like, the man pays or.

You guys.

Are we.

Are we dutching it?

If I know Tim.

Tim's paying.

Just call me a simp.

No, I'm calling you gentlemanly.

Yeah, I was brought up.

My dad always told me, you know, gentleman pay.

Right.

It could be the first date, second, third date.

I even have recently a couple ladies that wanted to take me out to dinner, you know, and I'm open to that, too.

And you have to be open to that.

Like, it's.

It's an agreement to say, hey, Seth, I'm paying for dinner.

Let's go out.

It's like, all right, that's cool.

Yeah, right.

I'm not going to challenge them on it, because then you're taking something away from them that's like.

That's what they wanted.

It was their choice.

But to your.

To your question, I was brought up by my father to always, like, pay.

Right.

If you have someone that is back and forth with you, I mean, we can kind of.

But Dutch.

Really not a.

I didn't really learn that until about five years ago.

That's awkward.

Anyway, right?

Like, when you like one check, you know?

Yeah.

Could you go ahead and split that, and I'll take the appetizer?

You know, it's like, how does that work?

I imagine I would now, I would say, hey, do you mind if I take the check and let them.

If they say, no, I'd rather split it.

Then I don't think is that awkward or weird to say?

Well, I will say to ask for, not to presume the last two or three years of like on and off dating, right?

I was in a long term relationship for over two years, so I wasn't dating during then.

But you know, when you, they can kind of tell restaurant business, you can tell when someone's on a first date, right?

100 and so now recently, I, I get like, the server comes up, do you guys want this together or do you want me to split it?

They pose the question.

It's not like one check, do you want to split it?

It's, it's more, it's much more like integrated by the server.

And they're trying to like broach the conversation where you don't have to.

It's awkward for the server too, let's be fair, because they're like, oh, what if, you know, you just don't know what you're gonna get into.

It's a good story for later though, with your co workers, I think.

So I'm always hoping if the server's really good, she comes over, she's like, I'm just gonna split it and I'll see you next week.

But that has not happened yet.

You look at me like, no, my sister here is gonna cover the whole check, but what are you doing later, Jenny?

Yeah, right.

Let me ask you a question.

How many dates does it usually take before you feel comfortable either inviting her to your home or, you know, she invites you to her home?

So that's a great question, right?

I'm old school, like I said.

My dad always kind of.

He didn't coach me, but you know, told me about how he dated women when he was younger, right?

And he was like, you always pay, you know, treat it like a gentleman.

Show up with flowers, you know, and my dad's not a big cook as per se, but, you know, I learned that cooking is a really great thing.

And I used to do that a lot high school.

I would show up with flowers and I'm like, hey, come over.

You know, like.

Or it.

If you ask them to come over.

This happened a lot more when I was in high school, University days, where it's like, come on over, I'll cook something for you.

Let me know if you have any food allergies.

I would have a bouquet of flowers waiting right to me.

That's a beautiful date.

Get a bottle of wine, put some music on, you talk, watch you cook again.

Going back to true crime and all this stuff there.

It's just not.

You can't do that on the first day.

Right.

You have to build that trust.

So for me, it's just really engaging conversation to see where they are in the trust.

I do like to cook.

Do you like to cook together?

Like, that's one of my favorite dates.

You kind of hint towards it.

It's.

That's my favorite date.

Like, grabbing a bottle of wine.

We both cook together.

We listen a little bit of music and really get to know each other in a natural way rather than like the question game back and forth.

Like, not my favorite game.

Right.

But to answer your question, just really differs, like, how it's going with each individual.

I've had some that were just like, yeah, I'll come on over.

And I'm like, okay.

I'm like, here's my address.

Share it with friends.

Like, you know what I mean?

Be safe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get the safety text that comes in.

An hour later, you know, so if I ask one more thing.

So you mentioned earlier that cocooning phase where you evaluate all the things that happen in a relationship and the things that, you know, what does it mean?

How did you know?

What did you learn from this?

Da, da, da.

When do you know in between relationships when it's time to abandon something?

Like, I mean, obviously you're taking this cocooning phase.

It may be extended, but when do you realize I'm gonna fix that, or I'm gonna do this differently in this relationship, or I'm gonna focus on this in this relationship.

So do you mean going from one relationship to another?

Or, like, how do you identify that?

Like, you know, this is the thing that I did wrong, that let me say this in this exact same scenario, this is what I did wrong.

You know, how do I know that I've done the necessary steps already to ensure that won't happen again?

Because you won't know until you're in that scenario again.

Sometimes how you'll respond or how you.

React to certain things, It's a really good question.

Um, I don't think there is one answer to it.

And the reason why is of all the challenges I've had in past relationships, especially with my just my most recently past one, there is no blame game.

There is no, like, how did this start?

How did this end?

And if you look at it, you're not learn.

If you look at it just like, whose fault is it?

If you're both not taking accountability, you're not learning from it, then it's really hard to focus on what needs to happen.

Moving Forward.

And, and so to your point, when I learned something to how to I ensure that it doesn't happen again is I continue to focus on what I've learned most recently.

Right.

There's some things I've instilled over my life, my values, my, my morals and things like that.

But in my belief, I think you add to that over time because you learn about yourself through your struggles and challenges and relationships.

Not to say it was my partner's fault or just my fault.

I think it's things that we kind of butt headed again and you, it all comes back to communication and trust.

Right.

Again and again and again.

So once you learn things that, in my opinion, you learn things that are keystones to a relationship like communication and trust, that's what I focus on.

Those are my red flags and those are things that most impacted me in my most recent and you know, relationships.

And so those are the things that I'm like, well, here's what could have gone better.

My past relationship, that it probably would have continued on to flourish for the rest of my life.

Those are things I'm going to focus moving forward.

So at the same side of it, those are what I look for in a red flag.

If that answers no, that's great.

Yeah.

So that I think that basically summarizes exactly what I was thinking as well.

But yeah, it's a continuous process that you have to keep doing when you're in it and even when you're out of it.

There's things I'm realizing now, six years into my new marriage that as I reflect and as I mature and as I, you know, look back, that I'm just learning now, man, I could have done that differently in my first marriage.

Now that I learned just through organic getting older and just through, you know, just experiencing life, I'm recognizing things years ago that I'm like, I don't know if I ever did enough to work on that thing.

Let me work on that now.

Yeah.

I mean when you're young, you're young, that's just the way it is.

Right.

You know, you just don't know better.

You don't care.

Yeah.

You know, you're like, ah, you got time.

There's less, like, there's less repercussions.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

So you're like, ah, you can recover from anything when you're of course a certain age.

But.

And do you ever conquer your biggest challenges?

Right.

Like communication is always going to be a challenge.

It's something that you don't just Click a button and say, I figured it out.

That's true.

It's going to differ.

My communication with you, Tim, is going to be different than my communication with you, Mark.

And even over time, our communication with each other is going to change.

So as a relationship, we're love and children are involved.

You got different variables.

You got stuff that are being thrown in there.

You're just like, okay, let's take a step back here.

Like, now I got to communicate in a way that it adapts.

And so when I say communication and trust, I don't have it figured out.

In fact, that's my disclaimer.

Anything I say about dating advice is like, this is not advice.

This is just my.

Yeah, this is my woes and my victories and my what I need to do.

But communication trust will always be, I believe, something that I would continue to work on for the rest of my life.

So what I've learned from this so far, what I've gathered so far today, is that if we ever get single, I got our first two dates planned out.

First we're bowling, and then we're cooking dinner together, and then we go from there.

You're bringing her home on the second date.

Mark, you dog.

If bowling goes well, it goes well.

You know what I mean?

If she's bowling a turkey, she's in.

Oh, let me ask one more question.

So what do you do to make your profile look sexy to a woman?

You want them to swipe left, right?

Which way is a good swipe?

Left is a no and right is a yes.

Okay, so you want as many rights as possible.

So what do you do to spruce up your page?

I try to pick the most recent photos that best depict me and my best moments in life.

Usually with my dog somewhere out in the mountains or, you know, with friends or traveling to a different country or scuba diving.

Something my passion.

Right.

I think that's the best place to start.

I think it's a great question because if you don't depict yourself as you truly are, you're going to run in issues within the first 10 dates.

So if I have to do it, I'm gonna have one of me sing on a couch playing video games.

One of me sitting on the couch watching tv.

One standing up at the tv, yelling at the TV when the refs do some stupid shit.

And there's nothing wrong with that, right?

Because there's someone out there that also enjoys that.

Or they're just your.

Your opposite.

And they will help you get out and maybe do things that you want to do, but you haven't taken that step yet.

And so it's really, what are you looking for?

And do you want someone to challenge you?

Okay, well, get someone to do something.

It does things that maybe you want to do, but you've never jumped out there and left into.

But, you know, I.

I want to do something that I'm continuing to do, which is like, a lot of scuba diving and traveling, and not everybody does that.

You know, hobbies are important or has the time.

Right.

A lot of people don't have a lot of hobbies for themselves.

And I think that's one of the things that I missed out on.

And maybe.

Maybe Mark can attest to.

To some extent, I think you're changing that narrative now.

But I was always in a relationship from a young age.

And so before I really got to know myself, I got to know who I was in a relationship.

And it's not until I went through my divorce that I realized, man, I don't have enough hobbies of my own.

Things that I enjoy doing, things that I'm willing to invest my time and money into that I'm not required to do and that bring me enjoyment.

That's just been my story.

And Now I, at 38, am trying to develop new hobbies and trying to, you know, immerse myself in new things.

But I don't know if that was your experience.

No, actually, I was going to say that, like, I don't want to give myself kudos here, but I think that from from day one, at least to a degree, in one aspect, I think I nailed it when I was dating Stacy, right?

So we met in a restaurant, which is, you know, just to circle that back so just.

Those are facts.

But I lived with a roommate, and on Sundays we watch football, and I get up in the morning, I'm going to play video games.

And then when football comes on or on the couch, maybe a couple of bowl hits, we got nachos, right?

Stacy would be like, hey, like, you want to hang out on Sunday?

I'm like, well, this is kind of what I'm doing on Sunday.

She's like, yeah, that's cool.

Like, I'm down with that.

So she'd come over and she would join in.

And my roommate was enjoying that because she'd make the nachos and she'd bring us beers and kind of hang out.

And, like, she would just kind of just kind of sit there, you know what I mean?

And she just wanted to be around.

But, like, that precedence was set.

Like, hey, Sundays is for football and some video games.

And it's never been like, you know, it's very rare occasion when Stacey will come to me on a Sunday and say, oh, come on, we have to go boutiquing.

And I'm like, not at 1:00 on a Sunday, we're not.

Like, she would never ask that.

You know what I mean?

And whether that's because she doesn't want to go boutiquing, which is more than likely the answer.

But it was always like, hey, you know what?

Come Sunday, whatever you need me for, can we do it before noon on a Sunday?

You have all week to get me to give my honey do list.

You know what I mean?

So it's good.

It's one piece, right?

But that's what.

That's a case where every relationship is different.

And I think if you can set that bar at the level you want it from the time you start, you know, I'm not saying you have to be, hey, this is my way, or fuck off.

You know what I mean?

But it's like, it's that communication and respect that you get from the beginning to be like, oh, you're really into.

You're into scuba diving.

Well, if you have a trip that you go on every three months, well, then you don't get in a relationship with someone and suddenly they tell you, you can't go on that trip.

You know what I mean?

It's like, well, no, sweetie, this is what I do.

Either learn and come with me or see you in a day.

And you're exactly right.

Right?

When I say in the first 10 days, you know, be who you are, because that's who you want to be for the rest of your life.

That's who you're going to be.

I just ran into a fellow and I was like, man, you and your wife get along so well, right?

He was like, I set expectations really early, and now I feel like we're talking about work.

And I'm like, okay, set expectations.

Got it, got it.

But he was like, it's true.

And she knows I come home and it's like I watch my Sports center for two hours and I'm not to be disturbed because I'm very focused on that.

It's not because I don't love her, but she knows that's a part of me.

And so she has her things.

Just like you were saying with you and Stacy.

And so I think getting those things out, like I said, be.

You do what you want to do.

And the earlier you get those out, you know, this is who I am.

I mean, you don't have to force it out, but just, you know, eventually it's like, hey, on Sundays, I gotta watch football, and I hope you could be a part of it if you don't.

Or maybe some people are like, this is a guy's thing.

I just want to do with my guys.

Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

It is what it is.

Right?

Everybody has their routines, whether they believe it or not.

But get those out.

Like, these are my routines for the rest of my life.

Yeah, that's.

You know, Tim, we were talking off camera, if you will, whatever, beforehand, just about making, like, Tim time, you know what I mean?

Like, what's important to you.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you don't want to be with your family ever.

It's like, you know, maybe you need a half hour, maybe you need two hours, whatever that is, you know, and then you guys can figure that out.

I think that's important in my opinion, too.

A healthy relationship.

I mean, you know, I think that's one of the answers, not the only answer.

Yeah, yeah.

I think there's been things, but it's never, like, a consistent thing.

There's going to be times where it's like, hey, I.

I want to go out for a drink with the guys.

And it may not always be every Friday after work, but it might just be when I feel like it, and I'll get that, and that's fine.

But I don't think that I have any other consistent things like that.

But I recognize what you guys are saying.

I think I was really young when I started getting to really serious relationships.

And I mean, like, college and, like, really, I mean, same as you guys were.

But even before then, like, I spent a lot of time in my relationships and enjoying them.

Right.

And all the benefits that come from them doing things I liked as they came up, not as a routine for myself.

So that's great advice to any of the listeners who are listening right now, or if you're in a younger audience, or even if you're an older person like myself, who would probably suck in this dating game right now.

But, yeah, it's good to make sure you take care of yourself first.

Feed your own hobbies, feed your own interests.

I think it's part of the cocooning process, right?

Yeah.

I mean, just be yourself.

Right.

And I'm sarcastic, I tell jokes, but I make mistakes and I act a fool sometimes.

And to do that on the first date, to get that out of the way, and it's like, oh, my bad.

But then you know what you're getting though, like, that's right.

I mean, that's what I'm saying.

Set the level.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's nice.

So I got a new segment on the casual nonsense podcast.

So this will be new.

It's.

It's going to be a rapid fire true, false questions for you.

Dating related.

Of course.

Some of the stuff we may have covered already.

There's just a handful of questions here.

So it's like speed dating, only with none of the payoff.

Okay, so this is what we got here.

So do you want him to answer than me?

I'm going to aim at Seth if you want to.

You want some?

That way we'll go Seth, Tim.

Seth Tim.

Okay.

Right.

We don't need explanations, just the true or false.

And then if we want to talk about it after, we can circle back.

How's that sound?

Sounds good.

All right.

True or false.

I've been on a blind date.

False.

False.

True or false.

I've had a first date that lasts all day, say at least 10 hours.

True.

True.

All right.

Look at that.

I've ghosted someone on a first date.

True.

False.

I've been ghosted on a first date.

True.

True.

Okay, you've both been ghosted.

Yes.

Good to know.

True or false?

Dating apps are made for people who can't meet others in real life.

This could be a maybe.

I'm gonna go foss.

Partial truth, Partial truth.

Okay.

Dating apps make it harder to find genuine connections.

Wanna plead the fifth?

Okay.

Okay.

Repeat the question.

Dating apps make it harder to find genuine connections.

False.

True or false?

Chivalry is outdated in today's dating world.

What is sugary?

I'm sorry?

Chivalry.

Oh, chivalry.

Oh, I have a lot to say about that.

Part two.

Outdated.

I would say false.

And I have a lot more for that.

Okay.

I think partial, false, partial false.

This next one you kind of answered where I asked the question like, true or false.

The man pays on the first date.

I think you said false.

Typically, yeah.

False, False.

That he pays.

That the man pays.

True.

Oh, you mean man pays.

Yes.

Man should pay.

The man stays in the first date.

You feel the man should pay in the first date?

Yes.

True.

Sorry, I got you.

I misunderstood the question.

All right, thank you.

True or false?

I like when my date plans everything.

False.

Is it first date or any date?

Pick one.

We'll say in the first three dates.

How's that?

It's.

It's nice when it's I like when my date.

I like when plans everything.

True.

True.

Okay, true or false.

I believe in soul mates.

Ah, you're throwing out some daggers here, Mark.

Listen, I can't take credit for all these questions.

We gotta make this a series.

I didn't make these up.

Soulmates.

If there's multiple soulmates.

Yeah.

True.

You could have more than one.

Maybe.

False.

Maybe not.

I don't believe in soulmates.

Okay.

True or false.

A well written profile is more important than a great photo.

True.

True.

People are always honest on their dating profiles.

False.

False.

Playing hard to get makes you more desirable.

False.

Partially true.

And the last question here is social.

Social media stalking is a must before a first date.

False.

True.

You know how I feel about that.

There it is.

There it is.

So I'm just.

Yeah.

So these are.

You know, Seth, I appreciate you coming in and giving us some candidates candid take on these things and some big brother advice.

Some big brother advice.

Can I.

Can I comment on the chivalry?

I absolutely want to comment on that.

Right.

Well, I was thinking the things you said earlier about your dad.

Your dad sounds like a real ladies man.

Maybe we get him on the podcast.

Well, you know, he seems like a smooth dude.

There's a good story about my dad.

I can give you a little glimpse, maybe a trailer.

But, you know, the chivalry thing.

You know, when I came back to the States the first time I went on a date, I brought a bouquet of flowers to the first date.

And this girl looks at me and she says, what are you doing?

What's that for?

Like, what do you expect from that?

And I'm like, wow, I'm starting.

What?

Wow.

And then another date.

This is like my first.

Right.

Another girl I opened the door for and she was like, I can open my own door.

Wow.

And a car door.

It was.

Right.

And so I will say that's why my answer is what it is for chivalry.

Like, you know, I.

I don't think it's gone.

I think it's been beaten away in a sense that it's not appreciated for when it's there.

Right.

Like, there was a lot of people at Open Doors and still, like they said, they don't say thank you.

They just walk through and kind of scoff like.

Like it's just.

Like that in itself just shows that, like it's.

If it's not appreciated, it's slowly going to dwindle away.

Or if it's like, looked at in A way that's like, what do you expect from this?

Not to prolong this, but I think that the Internet has a lot to do with that.

I think there's a large group think that takes place.

And when you see that some people live this certain type of life and some people, or even that some people have these terrible experiences, then it makes you maybe overreact to what you've seen.

And witnessed or question that something good, right?

There's a lot of cynicism in the.

World and maybe that's you have children.

So I mean like, you should probably.

Your daughters are like question everything.

Like don't you know, I mean like.

But my point is chivalry is not gone.

It's very there.

But in my personal experience, it's been kind of thwarted or shunned.

I hope you didn't have second dates with either of those.

I did not.

But I stopped buying bouquet of flowers until recently.

I started buying flowers again.

I say my advice to you, Seth, would be.

Because I'm the all knowing dater here, right?

My advice is, I would say stick to your guns, right?

If getting flowers on the first date, you bring them there.

In my case, I would never bring Stacy flowers because Stacy doesn't like flowers.

She doesn't want no flowers.

That's how you find out the first date.

Yeah, sure, sure, we'll go with that.

But you know what I mean.

I would say stick to your guns.

And because everything you said earlier, right?

When you say you want to put pictures of you scuba diving, well.

Well, then they know you scuba dive, right?

You're not going to hide that and then throw it at them later.

And speaking of your guns, make sure you take your shirt off in your pictures too.

And show them that chiseled physique.

Let them see it's a guaranteed diamond, right?

Yeah, let them see it.

Should this be during the butterfly effect?

Remember, I'm £10 in.

I got 20 more to go.

Let them see it.

All man do post butterfly.

You gotta do both.

Let them see your transformation.

Woman.

Love that.

All right.

Two tickets to the gun show.

That's it.

All right, listen, Tim, Seth, thank you guys for coming on the show.

I appreciate it.

We're gonna follow back up with Seth at some point in 20, 25.

We'll see if he enjoyed himself today or not.

We'll I guess we'll find out when he comes back.

But we're gonna follow this cocoon process.

The what?

The transformation?

Is that what it's called?

The transmutation?

I don't know what's redoing it.

We'll go butterfly effect.

You know what?

I think you just tattled the episode, so there we go.

Hey, I like that.

Seth, great seeing you, brother.

Yeah, I appreciate you guys having me on the show.

This has been phenomenal.

Awesome.

Well, thanks for listening, everybody.

If you've made it this far, be sure to share this episode with, you know, one person.

You know, that's all it takes.

Just tell your neighbor, let them play the episode, and then we're in good shape, and stay casual.